What do you do now that you achieved your goals?
This thought came to me yesterday as I was puttering around the house and it seemed that it was at the core of my recent ‘down’ mood; or at least an adjunct to the reason. What do I do now?
The portions of my goals that have not been attained are our of my hands (e.g. becoming well-known in the pagan world, be invited to speak at events) as they are dependent on other’s opinions and perspectives. I now refer to myself (with humor!) as the most widely-published pagan no one has ever heard of. Although I suppose I must admit that what I write about may just bore others to tears.
In the meantime I live debt-free, in a house I own and can afford on my own but with the aid of my partner will be paid off in 1/2 the time. I have a job I mostly enjoy where I can use my abilities to their limits and am compensated appropriately. I have a loving partner who thinks I’m the bees knees. I live in a beautiful place of the world. My coven is growing tighter and stronger with each crisis met and defused. My students are fascinating and the new module program is working out the way we’d hoped. (Maybe even better.)
I am respected by people *I* respect — Taylor Ellwood, Lupa, Macha Nightmare, Barbara Ardinger, Christopher Penczak . . .
My health is good (if not perfect). My friends and family are doing well, and are good people who I can love and learn from.
I’ve written, and published, two books that may not be smashing successes, but are unique and interesting and good (darn it!) as well as well-written. No one can ever say that I’ve re-written what was already ‘out there’.
I speak in public (overcoming that fear) and am enjoyed by the audience.
So many blessings, why so sad?
Perhaps because I have achieved those external goals that I set out for myself. I still have some goals (the usual things, like lose weight, do yoga every day, etc.) but the big ones, the ones other’s would notice have all been achieved. Am I really feeling like ‘there isn’t anything left’?
That is absurd.
But insidious, and perhaps correct. I am reminded of a book title, it goes something like: “After Enlightenment, the Laundry.” Can I just keep on doing the laundry? Will it be enough to keep me satisfied.