Late in 2018 (yes, almost a year ago) I was talking to a friend about how I keep waking up around 3am every night, and some nights I don’t go back to sleep. I mentioned how frustrating it’s been to try and get at least 7.5 hours a night, which is what I clearly need, even though I don’t always feel rested when I get that amount. I talked about how amazing J. and I had felt in Italy when we just slept until we woke up, and that was regularly 11 hours at a time — unsustainable/ unachievable here at home. (My friend participated in this conversation, I wasn’t just talking at him the whole time, despite how it looks.)
For a bit of time now (relatively speaking, of course) I’ve contemplated dying my hair. Like many women, changing my hair color is a part of my personal experience, a piece of my journal of self-discovery.
At the end of 2018 I set a goal for myself of reading all of the books on the Top 100 Fantasy and Top 100 Science Fiction book lists. It was ambitious. Lately I’ve been concentrating on the Sci-Fi and I’m now at ** sci-fi books.
It’s been slow going this month, these books have been squeezed in between long stretches of Anne Bishop’s Black Jewels series. I haven’t been loving what I’m reading, so it’s been a bit of a slog.
At the end of 2018 I set a goal for myself of reading all of the books on the Top 100 Fantasy and Top 100 Science Fiction book lists. It was ambitious. For links to the the full list, see this post. For a quick review of the 44 I’d previously read, see here. Lately I’ve been concentrating on the Sci-Fi books because I had read 69 fantasy books — I’m now at 35 sci-fi books.
On April 15, 2019 we had the veterinarian to our house and Leo was put to sleep. He had cancer and we made the difficult decision to not pursue surgical options, hoping to give him instead a bit more time enjoying the best life we could provide for him. It’s never expected, although we had a little more time than usual to prepare, and that was a gift in many ways.
Today we walked the dogs at Grandview (Dog Park) and just as we entered I saw a couple of bald eagles soaring high overhead. A little later in the walk, a pair (likely mated) of Red Shouldered hawks landed on a nearby tree, and then took off over the edge of the hill, riding the thermals.
Years ago, I shared my Bucket List with y’all. It’s kind of been bugging me ever since. Recently, I realized that what was making me grumpy about it — there were many items that were not ‘big’ enough to be true Bucket List items. Like, taking a cooking class. All that is preventing me from crossing that off the list is time and a bit of money. Not hard, not *Bucket*.
Failing to accomplish a long-cherished goal is crushing, and we’ve all experienced it at some time or another. In the aftermath of failure some of us beat ourselves up. Dripping shame and resentment, we polish our self-criticism and enact a terrible spiral of negativity. The spiral ends with a retreat to our comfort zone, the place where we know we can succeed because we don’t try to do anything new or difficult.