musings, memories, magick

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Seven Years

Seven ago today I began a process of deliberately poisoning my body; in the medical profession this is called chemotherapy. It was the toughest thing I have ever done in my life. Partly because it wasn’t a one time even, but a whole series of sessions. And it got worse as time went on.


It’s been 3 1/2 weeks since the last chemo session, and it’s been a hard recovery time for me. I’ve been physically exhausted, compounded by not sleeping well or through the night. My spirits have been good, my attitude generally positive, but the lack of physical fitness has been disturbing. Having to work last week was an unexpected setback. Mostly, …Continue reading →

Final Poisoning Tomorrow

Tomorrow (5/5) is my final chemo session. Part of me is incredibly happy it will soon be over. Mostly, however, I’m just very tired and drained. I’m not actually ready for another round — it’s like I didn’t recover from the last time. Sorry to be a bit down, but it’s not that I’m UNhappy, or sad, or anything. Just …Continue reading →

Sorry for the lack of update

Chemo #3 went well . . . but there was quite a bit of aftermath. First of all, I seemed to get a bit of an infection that required antibiotics. This was on Wednesday, chemo day. I absolutely had a brain freeze and just didn’t think to tell my oncologist (yes, I know — stupid of me) until Thursday evening. …Continue reading →

Brace Yourself

It’s just not that pretty. But its what I look like now. (And yes, I do feel like my image is much more like scruffy chick just barely dried than Sinead O’Connor.) 🙂

Losing My Hair

First off: my fever broke Wed night. I took it easy yesterday, but am back to work today (tho’ likely not for the full day). Things are starting to get a bit critical and I’m needed on site. Most importantly: on time, and unmistakably, I am losing my hair. My advice for anyone who may read this because they are …Continue reading →

A New Day, the Journey Continues

The difference in my health from day to day is astonishing. I haven’t talked a lot about the spiritual side of my journey, mostly because it is intensely personal. Moreover, I’m in the middle of the journey and what I am seeing lacks perspective. But please don’t think that my priestess self is dormant, or that I have left my …Continue reading →

Post Chemo #1, Day 5

Day three was a real low, and I thought I was turning a corner (positively) yesterday. In many ways, I was. But in the evening I developed severe pain in all of my joints — similar to what you feel with a very bad flu. We called in to the oncologist and apparently this is a typical reaction to the …Continue reading →

Chemo + 72 hours

It’s more than a little frightening that I feel worse as time goes by; and that this is cumulative. Because I feel utterly wretched. I have a headache (never good) and am fatigued. The worse part is that I have an awful sore throat — like a prickly lump at the back of my throat, scraping my tongue raw. I …Continue reading →

1st Chemo + 48 hours

I conquered the steroids problem: 1/2 dose taken at least 1/2 hour after both anti-nausea and prilosec are taken and with food.  yay. ye gods, though, I am tired. despite a good night’s sleep. Drinking lots of water, tea, and some juice. So, this is what being poisoned feels like? It’s tough. Not painful, just . . . boring I …Continue reading →