It’s been lingering all day. I didn’t sleep well last night, that’s the first problem; but I just haven’t been able to shake a deep sense of . . .  BLAH.

I spent some time ‘sitting’ with the blah and came to two realizations: part of it is tiredness, but the other part is a reaction to the chemo. (Hold your ‘duh’ reaction justa  moment, please.) You see, I’m ‘supposed’ to be back to normal. Or something akin to normal.  Instead I’m still having trouble sleeping, I’m still experiencing food cravings, my body hurts (somewhere, all of the time), I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been (and not comfortable with it), and I’m having hot flashes. (On the bright side, my brain seems to be working more-or-less normally again.)

It’s damned uncomfortable being me right now.

The only thing that will fix this is time and hard work. Time will take care of the body aches and the cravings and the sleeping. It will also presumably lead to an increase in my energy. Hard work will take care of the weight gain, leading to an improvement in the aches and an overall feeling of increased vitality.

But I don’t have any motivation at the moment, plus it is HARD to even walk (still). I’m doing it, twice a day. But I am so not motivated to do anything else.

(/start whine) It’s HARD getting much of anything done. (/end whine)