A whining, ranting, and generally self-pitying post follows
Perhaps this is obvious to everyone else, but I really though that, SEVEN weeks post-surgery, I would be in better shape. Or at least no longer taking much, if any, pain medication. Every tells me to take it easy, and not be so hard on myself, but I really don’t think my expectations are that great.
Especially since these last days have seen a marked increase in my pain/ discomfort level. I am almost constantly experiencing a ‘buzzing’ sensation in my side and/or in the BLO, it’s somewhat akin to a feeling of heat, only without the actual change in temperature. I have stabbing pains, muscle spasms, twitches, and aches. These feelings often migrate into my underarm and bicep.
I am, to put it mildly, VERY grumpy. I snap. I growl. I am snarky and tetchy. I don’t like anything and am m ore than usually difficult to please.
I am tired.The lunesta seems to be losing its ability to help me get to sleep, and I’m spending hours each night lying on my side waiting for sleep to come. I’ve added hot cocoa (all natural) and herbal teas, and they help. . . but not enough.
I feel weepy and I wonder how long it will be before I feel well again.I truly wonder whether the reconstructive surgery is worth it by any measurable scale. Certainly not on a comparative one, not at this time. I hurt more now than I did with a fresh gaping wound.
Last night I nearly lost it BIG TIME when I realized that I have even more surgery in my future and I literally couldn’t imagine doing this again. Yet, the plan is to do it at least twice more, to varying degrees.