Why I am lucky in my friends. . .

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It began with a pun about Tattoo that led to an involved discussion of Fantasy Island, mostly for the benefit of a friend from South Africa who’d never heard of the show.

  • Ricardo Montalban was identified as Khan from Star trek 2 (“Khan!!!!!”)
  • What exactly is Corinthian leather, and what makes it fine? (In retrospect, I’m impressed none of made a Sandman connection.)
  • Was Mr. Rourke an angel, or an incarnation of God?
  • Roddy McDowall made a fine ‘devil.’
  • Fantasy Island is a lot like Love Boat, but the point wasn’t coupling, so much as realizing one’s true desires and manifesting them.

We went to a description of the hilarious SNL skit with Patrick Stewart as the Captain (Star Trek: The Love Boat) but resisted actually watching it. (Please understand, theoretically we were playing a game and so had tasks to accomplish. Theoretically.) From there we had to watch the hilarious but really seriously awful ‘Kitty Bath‘ sequence. JC nearly wept with laughter and couldn’t breathe for a few minutes.

Somehow we ended up with JG telling us about the guy who got sued for selling Dragon Meat sausages “because they don’t have real dragon meat in them,”and ended with DM sharing his one up: The used car salesman who had commercials showing the ‘used car factory’ and was sued by an angry customer.

I love my friends.

Portland Joys

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J. and I returned last night from a quick trip to Portland, OR; a belated birthday present for me. As usual, we had a great time.

First off, despite a ‘late’ leaving from work (and may I say: I really hate it when other people’s inability to budget their time means I’m working after they get to leave the office) we headed home to pack and reassure the furkids that all was well. (The early dinner distracted them, I’m sure). We hit the road about 6:50pm and despite the late hour traveled in fairly heavy traffic all the way through Olympia. I can’t imagine what the daily commute must be like for someone who lives south of us, but works up in Seattle. Dreadful, trully appalling.

Nonetheless, we pulled into the driveway of the Brittania at Terwilliger Vista BnB (http://www.terwilligervista.com/) at precisely 9:50pm — our usual 3-hour journey. J. booked the Garden Retreat because of the soaking tub and fireplace, and it was very romantic. No frillies! (Tangent One: why does romantic seem to equal plastic lace and over-ornamented frou-frous? ick). The late hour and long drive meant an early night for us and into bed we tumbled. (Tangent Two: bless the people of the world who believe that a good night’s sleep means a firm yet yielding mattress. And several pillows, thick and thin for those who sleep on their back, sides, and tummies.)

Breakfast started at 8:30 with juice, several kinds of bread, cereal, fresh fruit and Eggs Benedict if we desired. I passed, but J, tried them and liked them. Carl was the cook while Karen chatted with us. (Turns out we have a California past in common and we amiably shared Bay area commentary over coffee.) Then it was hippity-hop to the Portland Art Museum (http://www.portlandartmuseum.org/) to see the The Quest for Immortality exhibit. This is a lovely collection of art from various tombs (of course) including the highlight: a reproduction of the burial chamber with its walls painted with the literal instructions for the sun to go through its nighttime journey. The audio tour was even worth listening to (narrated by Jeremy Irons). We spent more than two hours wandering through, and could have spent longer if it weren’t for aching old abcks and knees!

For lunch, we asked one of the docents for a recommendation, and he directed us to SouthPark (http://southpark.citysearch.com/), a seafood restaurant with a lovely lunch menu. So lovely, in fact, that we wished we didn’t already have dinner plans. Local suppliers, incredibly fresh fish, and a superb wine list made this a restaurant we will be returning to in the future.

Back to the room for a quiet afternoon of tubs and naps. The we gussied up and headed out for dinner at BlueHour (http://www.bluehouronline.com/). If you haven’t had the pleasure of having a meal here, please make the time. You’ll thank me. We hadn’t been here in about a year (give or take a few weeks) and were laughing to be seated at the same table. Then our waiter came to say hello and started off by saying, “have you been here before?” just as we were recognizing him as our same waiter. We were given an amuse bouche of cauliflower mousse in grougere, and while I recognized the excellence of it, anythign caluiflower is wasted on me (brussell sprouts, too). I accompanied my Pinot Gris (Oregon ’04) with the 20 Greens salad. Crisp greens, very few bitter, and a delicious sherry mustard vinaigrette combined excellently. J. had the Roasted Potato soup with smoked bacons and chives –just a few sprinkled on top added a smoky depth to the thick, rich soup. Just the right amount of time after that, our main courses were served — and this time, J. won, hands down. He had the Roast Chicken and Dumplings, a dish utterly unlike anything you’ve had at home. The chicken was roasted tenderly, and thoroughly so that it was completely cooked but not dry. The ‘dumplings’ were more like slices of dense apple-pecan bread and the combination was orgasmic. My own Double Cut Pork Chop with onion marmalade was superb, but the chicken was better. We happily devoured every bit, sharing back and forth generously. Dessert was (as it was the last time) a tad tricky. BlueHour has the usual flavors for dessert (chocolate, seasonal fruit, cream, and citrus) but presents them in unusual combinations. We ended up choosing the Peppermint Ice Cream Profiteroles with Hot Fudge Sauce and the Apple Tarte Tartin with Creme Fraiche Ice Cream. WOW. The peppermint ice cream was like licking a frozen candy cane — very intense flavor. The tarte was perfectly warmed and also delicious (but J. had won again ).

Although we stayed awake long enough to digest, our dinner took us about two hours, so we weren’t overly full to begin with. And we again slept very well.

Breakfast was yummy french toast and this time we had company — two other couples from WA. We chatted and shared stories and recommendations and then packed up our belongings. After settling the bill, J. and I headed to the absolute must-do in Portland: Powell’s City of Books. We’re old hands by now, so we decided on a meet point (wherever I ended up) and time (one hour) and split up. I’d been inspired by the PAM exhibit, so I made a point of going through the history section and picked up a book on Alexander the Great, and another on Courtesans. A fiction piece set in Ancient China looed interesting, so I picked that up as well. From there I wandered over to science, and found an interesting book on the evolution of our understanding of DNA. By now, J. had found me, we’d agreed on a new time to meet, and we split once again. So I headed over to the area that takes the most time, even though I go through it the quickest: Sci-Fi/Fantasy. C.S. Friedman has a new book out, but I held out since its Book 1 of 3, and I have no desire to torture myself for the next four years. A few missing Lackey books (once owned but lost over the years), some Eddings, and a few totally new authors all went into the basket. By now we’d been at Powell’s for more than three hours; it was time to get on the road.

Just as we crossed the river, we realized we were hungry, so we pulled over at a place called The Broad Street Brewery & Grill. We were just in time for the last quarter of the playoffs (sad Seahawks!) served up with a really yummy Pulled Pork sandwich (me) and Halibut and Chips (J). Their Winter Ale is pretty good as well.

Finally, we really hit the road and made it home in 2.5 hours. A busy weekend, full of fun culture, and realy good food. A perfect birthday present.

Bringing in the New

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We all stand on the brink of the new year, the cusp between times.
 

No wonder it seems like a good time to shed the old and welcome the new. Resolutions are made now, drawing on the power of this change time to manifest them. Or that’s the hope.
 

But I urge you to consider this: you cannot make change until you have made room for those changes in your life. It is much harder to quit smoking when you don’t have something else to do with your hands (or lips) instead. Or lose weight, if you don’t make other changes that support your loss.
 

I believe we all – as witches – have THREE ‘new years’ each and every year:
 
          1. Our birthing-day. This is the most powerful one for me. I take time before the date itself to chronicle the past year. I look at my achievements and record them, honoring myself for having done so much. I especially am proud of those things I did that I did not plan to do. For me, those were opportunities that I took, rather than putting off, or ignoring because they weren’t ‘in the plan.’
 

          2. Samhain. The witch’s new year. This day represents the ‘pause’ point after the heavy work of the triple harvest (grain, fruit, and meat). Our ancestors worked long hours for many months to get it all done before the first freeze made it impossible to do much more. Samhain is a good time to reflect on your achievements, honor your ancestors and relax into the (relative) quiet of winter’s coming.
 

          3. New Year (calendar). For all that some call the calendar a meaningless invention, there is a whole lot of free-floating energy to be found in hordes of people recognizing that this in an opportunity for change. The energy is neutral, good, or negative, depending on your perception. For years I discounted it, believing that resolutions made now were grandiose and without true thought. Desperate resolutions, made out of need, not desire or because of the weight of society’s expectations, rather than true choice.
 

          And they can still be that. But we can make choices that arise from our contemplations at Samhain. We can use this time to make ‘course corrections’ so that we are closer to our true desires and clearer about what we want to manifest in the coming year. The desire to write a novel felt _right_ at Samhain, but you haven’t had the time to write more than an outline since then. Perhaps re-focusing to complete a chapter, a section, or a specific word count is the better resolution to make.  Instead of berating ourselves for not having lost any of the 50 lbs we wanted to lose, we can renew our commitment to lose weight in a slow, steady manner. We can re-set our goal to something more like ‘one pound a week’ or even ‘I will eat one piece of fruit every day and walk for ½ hour three times a week.’ (For some of us, it can be a major achievement to just stop drinking soda, or eating pretzels.)
 

As eager as we might be for a fresh start we are mindful that the old never goes out with a whimper. Changing habits can be as difficult as quitting drinking for an alcoholic or heroin for an addict. Its not just about willpower, although having the fortitude to deny one’s self that which once caused us pleasure has a lot to do with willpower.  It seems that creating new habits to replace the old ones is the most successful strategy for making permanent change.
 

For example: if you smoke indoors, and want to quit, the first thing to do might be to start smoking outside only. When it’s cold outside, smoking isn’t quite as much of a pleasure. Oh, and you’ll have to stop what you are doing to get dressed and go outside, so you’ll probably do it less often. You house will smell better and be cleaner, making three positives for one small change.
 

I’ve found that it is tempting to make sweeping changes and get really focused on doing it all at once. But it is almost guaranteed that you won’t be able to sustain the energy for all those changes and so you slip a little here, a little there. . . until you realize you haven’t made any progress at all, and despair sets in.
 

My greatest successes came from making changes in small increments. Last year, for example, I committed to eating less processed food and making sure that most of my meals came from organic/all-natural raw products. White flour and processed products were replaced by whole grains (brown rice for white, etc.). As a result, the quality of my food improved, and my flavor profile increased dramatically. This year, I intend to make sure my meals are more balanced, with less starch and meat and more fruits, vegetables and lean protein. NEXT year (yes, 2008) I’ll focus on portion control, if I need to. What this means is that in 2006 my weight did not fluctuate very much, even though I essentially did no exercise, and my health was better overall. In 2007, I will continue to enjoy as much food as I want, but it will be of such high quality that I am going to feel great. I will likely lose weight because my overall portions will be balanced and the need for ‘fillers’ (sweets and snacks) will be less. (This is true for me, not for everyone.) If I _still_ feel like I need to lose weight (or something) I’ll start watching the portions – that is the closest I will come to a diet.
 

Small changes feel harder, and don’t give us as big a result as fast as we want it. But they tend to be the changes that we keep up with. And so the longer-term result is much bigger and easier to maintain. Science tells us that if we want to make something a habit we have to do it for 30 consecutive days. The month of January is conveniently just right for that. Personally, I think that if we miss a day and get back to it, the habit can still ‘stick,’ but I’m an optimist.
 

So, I urge you to make your resolutions, make room for the new habits, change the old ones, and start small for long term success.
 

Happy New Year!

It’s the small things that get me

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I just watched the state funeral of President Gerald Ford on the television. All throughout I was (sorry to say) bored. A bit sad, but I wasn’t exactly conscious when he was president so I never really formed much of an opinion.

I listened to the speakers praising him. I watched the three wreaths being placed. I got ready to change the channel when Mrs. Ford stood up and was walked forward – first by Cheney, then by her son (I think).  She was so frail, and blindly moving where they told her. The day must have been utterly exhausting. Just two steps up to stand near the casket and then she was reaching out, placing her hands on one corner. She bowed her head as if praying, or breaking down, the weight of it all suddenly too much to bear, just then. The studied, controlled face of a long-time politician’s wife finally broke. Just for a minute. But it was enough. Because when her hands reached out, I was stricken by grief. And I wept. (Bawled like a woman in emotional pain, to tell the truth). I was struck, literally, by how much she loved him. She will miss him deeply. He was her friend, her confidant. They went through hell together and loved one another all throughout.

The sound of the cameras clicking was a horror. A thousand beetles crawling across a marble floor. Each one preserving her moment of transcendent grief for all time.

I didn’t know the man, but I recognize his wife’s pain.

Thank you for sharing him with us, Mrs. Ford.

 

A Blatant Endorsement

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In a world where endoresments usually mean the person was given a fee to validate their opinion, I pretty much stay quiet. (Well, except for my review site, Facing North, but I keep that separate from my written meanderings.)

Today I am breaking that policy becuase I have to rave about a piece of software that every single person who has ever lost data — or might — needs to own: R-Studio from the magnificently mighty people at r-tools technology. Allow me to quote: “R-STUDIO is a family of data recovery and undelete utilities. Empowered by new unique data recovery technologies, it is the most comprehensive data recovery solution for FAT12/16/32, NTFS, NTFS5, and Ext2FS. It recovers data both on local logical and physical disks, as well as disks on remote computers over networks, even if their partition structures are damaged or deleted. RAID reconstruction and Dynamic disk support are included, as well as support for recovering encrypted files, compressed files, and alternative data streams.”

In non-tech speak that means that when my 150gb hard drive ‘went bad’ a bit more than a year ago, causing me to loose two books in progress, the original text of the published books, 20 years of data collected in my book of shadows, correspondance and images I was in a bad place. Very bad. A few calls to ‘data recovery specialists’ in my area (I’m near Seattle, it wasn’t hard to find several to choose from) got me quotes of $800-$2000. I can’t afford that, not if I want to make the mortgage payment. They also couldn’t guarantee recovery, in which case it usually would only cost me 50%. (I understand their point, but >>ouch<<). My partner consulted the oracle (Google, of course) and found r-tt. The program cost me just under $80. It has a demo version that you could try out first to see if it could even see the files that needed to be recovered. Thats right: i could get a very good idea of whether my data could be recovered BEFORE I even paid them for the program. As it turned out, I could, so I downloaded the program, and recovered my entire hard drive in a matter of minutes. Minutes. For $80. Maybe the most important aspect is this: I am not a techno-wizard. (Far from it, in fact.) This program was simple enough for me to use >>and<< it worked. Why am I telling you this now? Because earlier this week I switched to a new computer. In order to save time, I copied all of my files onto a DVD. (It was going to be used by someone else -- I know, I know, I should have formatted the HD so that data wasn't going to be found, but it wasn't important to do at the time. Turns out that was a good thing.) I checked the DVD to make sure the files copied over (there were several layers of folders) and the first couple of folders and subfolders looked good.  So I deleted the files off the old computer. Uh oh. Several days later I discovered that one subfolder -- full of irreplacable data gathered over three years -- was empty. The DVD recordered simply made the subfolder, but didn't populate it. A quick look atthe old computer showed it wasn't there, wasn't accessible... oh no! R-tt to the rescue. I renewed my registration ($20 this time) and ran it. Found all my deleted files. Undeleted them and copied them to the new machine. Took maybe 1/2 hour, including the re-reg time. So, for about $100, in less than two years R-Studio saved me a MAJOR hassle. Now I'm spreading the word.

Be-coming

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Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. – Anais Nin

Thank you Anais for your wise words.

What are we doing but trying to be-come? Become some THING some ONE somehow transforming the inner image into the outer (or vice versa, I suppose). I know my image of myself is not what others see — it never has been. Occasionally that is a good thing, frequently it is annoying.

But what my love sees when he looks at me is not what I see in the mirror. It is painful and joyous all at once.

Yet, this life, this existence, this presence I carry through my life is an ongoing process of becoming. As it is for all of us. Some of my students get it. Most don’t. No shame on them, nor glory. It just is.

Haven’t you ever had a friend who you loved dearly but who never managed to ‘get it’? A while ago (perhaps I am dating myself here) the media called it ‘tough love’ when you just let that person go to hell on their own merits. I don’t have a different phrase, but I don’t think love enters into it. Not without a lot of philosophical wrangling and a good dictionary.

I can be a terrible friend. I’m a poor correspondant and although I will be there when asked, I don’t offer to be there very often. Most peopel probably take that as a signal of a lack of caring, but its not. I just don’t want to ‘butt in.’ I have a tendancy to over-manage and to take on too much, and my not offering is my attempt to curb that… enthusiasm. It is protective of me, not dismissive of the other. I’ll admit I’m self-centered (reason #7 why I don’t have children, I can barely manage to keep cats alive) and I’m better at serving a large amorphous unseen community than I am a small circle of intimates. I do, however, care deeply about my friends. All of them, even the ones who are no longer a presence in my life.

I’m introverted, and horribly shy. Getting up to speak in front of an audience is hellish. Leading physical ritual is barely any better. I have the curse of the need to be perfect at what I am doing when in ‘public’ — and public here is defined as ‘in the presence of another human.’ Being with others, even the ones I love, is draining on me.

All of this was unknown to me a decade ago. Even five years ago I was only becoming aware of the reality. I still don’t manage it very well, but awareness has prompted understanding and that will lead to strategies I can use to improve. . . to move to the next stage of becoming.

Of course my next question is: Be-come what?

Perhaps I Am Naive

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But I find the news that Rumsfield is out, hours after the Democrats have regained a measure of control in the House (although the Sentate looks to be contested for a bit longer), gently ironic.

I take it Bush can no longer keep his wishful thinking from becoming an embarrassing comment.

“Days after saying Rumsfeld would be a fixture for the final two years of his presidency, Bush ended the storied political career of a man who became the face of US-missteps in an increasingly troubled occupation.” from: http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20061108/ts_alt_afp/usvote_061108235628

Farewell to Marione

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Last night I gathered with a small group of people and we held ritual to say farewell to Marione.

I was honored that they asked me to priestess for them and although I wrote the ritual, they all had input and imagery for me to draw upon.

It was lovely, and I know Marione would be proud.

This is the day (political)

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My thanks to Aldous Tyler for putting the following so very well…

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

This is it. It’s time to get up and go to vote.  I know, if you’ve paid attention to them, that the polls show that in the national races, the Democratic Party is coming out on top.  That means nothing.  For just a moment, let’s put aside the idea of crooked voting procedures that can steal votes away from the candidate of your choice and give those votes to their opponent. 

Go vote as if you were the only one responsible for making these decisions.  Act as if no one else is going to cast a single ballot, and it all rides on your choices for each candidate and referendum. I know, for some of you, that will mean voting a third party.  I have my reasons why I won’t do that this time, but if that is your vote, go out there and put it in.  Once you’ve done that, go be pest- call your friends and family, and make sure they are getting out to the polls.  The more voters we get out there, the better shot we have of being fairly represented. 

Now, I know there may be some issues.  Let me give you a quick guide of how to handle them: If you don’t know where your polling place is, https://electionimpact.votenet.com/pfawf/pollboothlocator/index.cfm will tell you. 

If you get there and someone is trying to tell you that you aren’t allowed to vote for ANY reason, pull out your cell phone or borrow someone else’s and call… Nationwide:
866-our-vote (866-687-8683) – The National Campaign for Fair Elections hosts the only national hotline that offers voters immediate assistance from volunteers trained to provide state specific information, identify issues that compromise the administration of elections, and respond to problems… 

Some other things can happen: 

  • Insufficient voting machines for a polling location 

  • Lots of challenges to voters’ rights at the registration table 

  • Frequent issues with voting machines that take the polling workers’ time to correct 

The three above situations may cause long lines and wait times.  Call one of the above numbers if there are any notable delays and let them know, so they can get a helper out to see if the problem can’t be fixed quickly.  If you think you might be likely to get pushed past the poll’s closing time, you most CERTAINLY need to tell the folks at the hotline that.  Whatever you do, *do not leave the poll without voting*.  This is exactly what the folks causing the hassle WANT you to do. 

  • Someone may directly challenge your right to vote 

Don’t let this send you home without voting- call the above numbers and get help immediately.  There will be any number of possible things that will tip off an operative to challenge you- you may be a racial minority, or perhaps you’re a man with long hair, or maybe you’re wearing a button, pin or sticker for a Democratic or liberal candidate or cause.  These very things were what got some folks challenged in 2004, and none of them are legal cause to withhold you from your right to vote. 

  • Insufficient documentation to vote 

In some states, you have to identify yourself at your polling place with a drivers license or other form of ID in order to cast your vote. If you are unsure of what’s required, you can call the above numbers before you go to the polls to be sure you have your needed ID with you.  If you are told you don’t have what’s necessary at the poll, do not leave the poll without first calling one of the above numbers and confirming the requirement. 

  • Poll worker says you are unable to vote because you aren’t registered 

Some states, including Wisconsin, allow you to register right there at the poll.  In that case, this shouldn’t come up (and if it does, call in!), however if you live in a state that requires advance registration, and you are fairly certain you should be registered, and the poll workers are telling you that you aren’t, you need to call.  Help can be gotten in these situations.  A number of states have illegally “scrubbed” their registered voter lists of people, and this may have happened to you.  Don’t leave without voting- let the helpers on the phone tell you how. 

  • The voting equipment seems to not be able to record your vote properly 

Alert the poll workers and IMMEDIATELY call the above number(s) and get help.  There have been a number of reports of especially the electronic touch-screen voting machines being unreliable so keep your eye on what it tells you when you are voting and if it isn’t acting correctly, get help!  Also, if you are using a scanned-card system and the scanner jams or otherwise seems to not function, alert the poll workers and IMMEDIATELY call the above number(s) and get help.  While this may be the overall least likely problem you will face, it must not be ignored.  Make sure that vote gets counted correctly! 

 Thanks to the past three national elections being run with more and more violations of voters’ rights, there are now a lot more volunteers out there guarding against problems like the above.  They are now available just by a call on the phone.  Get out there, be heard, vote and don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t have the right to. 

Aldous Tyler