I’m in my usual clueless state about why I have gone quiet. There’s a vague feeling of ‘I’m falling behind, I’m missing deadlines’ but I’m not actually sure that is true. I’m exercising daily (thanks to the puppy), I’m eating well (increasingly healthy — I gained no weight during the holidays, and am watching it slowly melt off since the first of the year).
It’s true that the only new reading I have on hand are review books. There is little or no sun each day (what there is is coming through the cloud filter). I’m feeling a bit ‘stuck’ and directionless. Finally, I’m getting a lot of neutral or negative feedback at work, coupled with a lot of ‘you need to change’ messages. I’m not depressed (been there, done that, recognize the symptoms), but I’m not effervescent, either.
Part of me says ‘look, its winter. time to take stock, make plans, dream up the stuff you’ll be manifesting the rest of the year. In other words: it’s OK to be quiet and introverted.’
Another part says ‘I’m wondering if your withdrawal is truly introspection, or just desertion? Strong word, I know. But since I’m you, that word came from somewhere. Why don’t you take a look at it.’
In the meantime, life goes on and takes me along with it. I’m not guiding it, just being carried along. Is that an automatic negative? Or can we actually have a place where we go with the flow without being bad pagans/self-aware individuals?