WARNING:
A whining, ranting, and generally self-pitying post follows
Perhaps this is obvious to everyone else, but I really though that, SEVEN weeks post-surgery, I would be in better shape. Or at least no longer taking much, if any, pain medication. Every tells me to take it easy, and not be so hard on myself, but I really don’t think my expectations are that great.
Especially since these last days have seen a marked increase in my pain/ discomfort level. I am almost constantly experiencing a ‘buzzing’ sensation in my side and/or in the BLO, it’s somewhat akin to a feeling of heat, only without the actual change in temperature. I have stabbing pains, muscle spasms, twitches, and aches. These feelings often migrate into my underarm and bicep.
I am, to put it mildly, VERY grumpy. I snap. I growl. I am snarky and tetchy. I don’t like anything and am m ore than usually difficult to please.
I am tired.The lunesta seems to be losing its ability to help me get to sleep, and I’m spending hours each night lying on my side waiting for sleep to come. I’ve added hot cocoa (all natural) and herbal teas, and they help. . . but not enough.
I feel weepy and I wonder how long it will be before I feel well again.I truly wonder whether the reconstructive surgery is worth it by any measurable scale. Certainly not on a comparative one, not at this time. I hurt more now than I did with a fresh gaping wound.
Last night I nearly lost it BIG TIME when I realized that I have even more surgery in my future and I literally couldn’t imagine doing this again. Yet, the plan is to do it at least twice more, to varying degrees.
I hurt.
*hugs* No shame in venting.
*hugs* The only thing for this is distraction. I know you said you’d already stocked up on your netflix queue, but let me know if you’d like some suggestions.
In my experience, the pain and the not being able to sleep feed each other, and it’s a vicious cycle. There are still times I have a hard time with this. And yes, it makes me moody as all hell. For me, massage helps, as does heat. I also use cyclobenzaprine, which is a mild muscle relaxant that doubles as sleeping pill. I have also become a glutton for pleasure. I watch comedies, eat yummy food, surround myself with soft fuzzy things and pretty things and things that smell nice. Whatever I can do to keep my mood up and also distract myself. You’ll find things that help, but it may take a while. {Hugs}
yah . . . taking care of myself and indulging myself is clearly a major part of this lesson. Heat seems to make it worse, but I am NOT going to use cold packs. (BRRRRRRRRRRR.) I’ll ask about the cyclobenzaprine, because the Lunesta definitely does not work.
Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome.
on another note: You and Lupa inspired me to do a 10-yr retrospective. But since I’m not supposed to spend too much time typing, I wrote it out. Very interesting exercise. Probably worth doing every 5 years or so.