Monthly Archives: August 2008

Facing North Update

I just updated my review site, Facing North, with eleven reviews, some of which are from Lupa’s Pagan Book Review site. It’s our usual eclectic mix.

A Field Guide to Otherkin
Complete Book of Spiritual Astrology
Synastry: Understanding the Astrology of Relationships
Fresh Start Promise
Aidan’s First Full Moon Circle
Goddess Spirituality for the 21st Century
Wealthenow: Her telling of Beowulf
Wealth: Titania’s Wishing Spells
Good Fortune and how to Attract It
Happiness: Titania’s Wishing Spells
Simple Wicca


Adult Vaccinations

I had a physical the other day, and it included a tetanus shot. Ow. I can’t lift my arm above shoulder height, my neck is getting stiff, and I seem to have odd numbness down my arm.


It’s now on my usual 3-day rule: if it still bothers me, or is worse after three days, I’ll see a doctor. Most things go away before then, or are serious, so its a good rule for me.


(Oh, and I seem to be in pretty good shape. We’ll see what turns up in the labwork.)

Tolerance and Mediocrity: Clash at the Office

I’m hiring for an admin job at my office right now. Given the job market, I guessed I’d get between 100-150 resumes, 50 of which would be useful/worth following up on and do 10 interviews. (For perspective, the last time I interviewed for this role, about 2 years ago, we received maybe 50 resumes and interviewed five candidates.) So far, I’m a little off (it will be much more like 200 resumes and 75 to follow up on) but not desperately so.

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Talking about Money — with Your Honey

Sparked off of a post at DINKs (which I think is a great blog), talking to your sweetie about money:

Couples need to talk about money. Period. They need to talk about it when they are dating, before they move in together, while they live together, before they marry, and while they are married.

Starting the conversation early makes having the ‘tough’ conversations easier. It also points out potential areas of conflict — BEFORE they are problems. If you’re a spend it/don’t save it person, then marrying a compulsive saver is going to be tough on both of you. Isn’t it better to know that *before* you decide to get married?

I also think couples should have ‘our’ money and ‘my’ money — in some proportion both parties think is fair. My sweetie and I have a joint account from which all household expenses (mortgage, utilities) get paid. Our paychecks get deposited into our personal accounts, and we each transfer money into the joint. If I want to spend $500 on clothes, I can do so and it doesn’t effect _our_ finances. We talk about our finances about once a month and make adjustments according to whether we want to make a major purchase (furniture or painting the hall, for example) or if there is a seasonal difference (our energy bill is about double in the winter so we need to make sure its covered).

Talking about money is hard, but doing it frequently makes for a good relationship.

Victory for Free Speech!

Happy news for all of us out there on the ‘Net and Web — in a ruling on Lentz v. Universal (aka the ‘Dancing Baby’ case):

Judge Jeremy Fogel held that content owners must consider fair use before sending takedown notices under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (“DMCA”). . . . [A] fair use is a lawful use of a copyright. Accordingly, in order for a copyright owner to proceed under the DMCA with “a good faith belief that use of the material in the manner complained of is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law,” the owner must evaluate whether the material makes fair use of the copyright. . . . A good faith consideration of whether a particular use is fair use is consistent with the purpose of the statute. Requiring owners to consider fair use will help “ensure[] that the efficiency of the Internet will continue to improve and that the variety and quality of services on the Internet will expand” without compromising “the movies, music, software and literary works that are the fruit of American creative genius.”

Big congratulations to Ms. McSherry of the EFF for her work on this case.


A few days ago, my friend Di wrote about how a dinner with someone she admired led to her grappling with feelings of inadequacy about her own artisitc vision, the ambiance of her new (less than 1 month) living space), and even her withdrawal from the Pagan community.

It hit me like a gut blow.

Not even a month ago I was told that I have a ‘very high’ shame index — that is, I feel ashamed a lot of the time. Its sort of my ‘go to’ reaction when I get emotional. Since then I’ve been trying to see when I feel shame, so that I can start to hunt down the associated triggers and mitigating factors. It’s hard, because I am not aware of feeling ashamed in the moment, it requires looking back and being a detective. But I read Di’s words and SAW what shame looks like.

Shame is always a lie. Always always always. When we feel ashamed — of our hair, for example, — its because someone told us something about that made us feel small, and ugly. Di, a sexy, vibrant, artistic woman who I have known for (oh wow) 10 years now felt inadequate because someone she admired questioned her decisions.

Shame is the feeling that we are the mistake (as opposed to guilt, which is when we feeld bad becuase we made a mistake). Shame sneaks around, disguised as anger, contempt, withdrawal, attack, resentment, blame, and perfectionism. Shame attacks the ego by makign us beleive we are inherently defective and unlovable. (For years I’ve called myself defective. Ouch.)

Time to get out the psychic bandages and heal the wound.