We spent a quiet afternoon in our room, reading and relaxing. J. took Sasha to the dog park for a long run, and then we went out for an early dinner.
Ashland, Day One Continued
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Category Archives: Dear Diary
Hats!
Given the upcoming hair crisis, I’m looking at getting ‘cute little hats’, which I have always liked. On Wednesday I stopped by Pike Place Market, and got a lovely green velvet and silk squishy hat that I like very much but fear may end up being too big.
The End of an Era!
Today, at a crucial moment, the end of an era arrived. My food processor, a sturdy though not-much-used workhorse died.
I was pulsing flour and butter together for a few seconds at a time, barely starting the task to make dough. It just went ‘click’ and then . . . nothing.
Needless to say, I had to finish by hand. (Ouch.)
I guess now I need to decide how much I was actually using that food processor, and for what. Do I really need to replace it? Will a replacement be better, and make me use it more?
Hmmm . . . .
EDIT: The reason its the end of an era is that I got this appliance in the early ’90s. So, I’ve had 20 years out of it.
BLO Update: 1 Mo post surgery
It was exactly 4 weeks on 2/17, so it seems like its time for an update on the BLO and my health in general.
The Sound of An Illusion Passing By
Time is an illusion, I know this. But it’s a powerful illusion, especially when I look up from ‘messing around’ on my desk and it’s after 2pm.
The Tunnel Has An End
A bit of an update.
- I love my oncologist. If anyone wants a recommendation for an oncologist in the South Seattle area, contact me. I’ll gladly give you his information. He is just plain NICE, with a warm ‘bedside manner’ and truly listens.
- If I have chemo and Tamoxifen, my chance of having a recurrence of breast cancer is in the single digits. THAT is worth the trauma.
- I will very likely lose my hair.
- I’m not happy about this.
- I will deal. I will buy lots of lovely hats and learn to wear a scarf. It will likely be gone by the end of March, and won’t start returning until late May.
- There is some evidence that post-chemo hair grows in without gray, and curlier. So I may look 20 years younger (at least until the gray returns).
- I’m still having some trouble sleeping, but it’s improving.
- I’m really glad J. is home (he changed his plans to make it home in time to come with me to meet with the oncologist). I have a partner, not a boyfriend.
- (J’s mom is improving: no more fever, and she’s off the respirator. The medical staff are really positive about her recovery.)
- I am scheduled for my 2nd surgery next Wednesday (1/20) at ~10:30am PT.
Overall, I am in a fairly good mood. Mostly I think that my stubbornness is turning out to be an asset. I can’t do much other than move forward, so I am. This is the crap part, but it is not forever.
It’s been an Exciting Week
I’m still trying not to type too much . . . but life requires it, so I’ll just be brief-ish.
J’s mom went into the hospital last week, I believe on NY’s Eve. They thought it was pneumonia, but antibiotics didn’t seem to work, and then she started to have physical issues, including not being able to communicate and unable to eat. THEN she began to not recognize family members. She’s in her early 80s, so this is not good. He made plans to fly out there (there = South Carolina) Thursday morning. Yesterday they diagnosed bacterial meningitis, which is VERY NOT GOOD (25% chance of mortality). This morning his dad called with good news, she’s able to communicate again, and recognizing people. He’s still going . . .
Except that his flight was canceled. So he called me and I suggested going tonight instead. So he’s leaving on a red eye tonight through Monday.
That means I am alone for the weekend. With Sasha. Fortunately, I have good friends and a couple of them are going to come over and go with me to the lake to swim her. I can manage the rest. J. has put gas in the car, is doing a foodshop so I have supplies on hand, and I’m making sure that anything I might need help with either doesn’t need to be done, or we’ll do now.
Because while my meeting with the pain specialist went well, and I have high hopes . . . at the moment I am still in some amount of pain. (Note to self: I think ‘post hypnotic suggestions’ don’t work well on you.) More on that in another post. Short version: it WILL help, and I already feel comfortable recommending this specialist to others.
In the end, I’m a bit freaked out. I’m reassuring myself that I will be fine, that I can call on others for help, and that I can do this. What is . . . freaking me out . . . is that these will be the first days since my surgery (8 weeks ago tomorrow) that I will be absolutely on my own.
I’m not going to dwell on that now. Instead I am going to change the subject. Today I found my dream house (although I can’t have it).
It’s perfect. Want to see?
Apparently, I am Injured
WARNING:
A whining, ranting, and generally self-pitying post follows
Happy Merry Everything
It’s been an interesting trip so far.
A Real Post
I’m mostly a little overwhelmed with life. My family usually gathers for Turkey Day, but my health issues precluded that. So we’re gathering (even my parents, who’re divorced 30+ years and haven’t been in the same room since my sister’s wedding 6 yrs ago) for Christmas. We’re leaving for San Francisco in a few hours and I’m just trying to tidy the house a bit before we go. (I hate coming home to a messy house!)
Healthwise: I am doing well, still waiting on test results to see whether I need chemo or not. So this is a bit of a ‘pause’ place. I can recover from the surgery, get (more) used to the breast-like-object on my chest, and enjoy being nicotine free for the first time in about 20 years.
Spiritually: I am processing this lesson like MAD. Saturn’s well-honed (and patented) Kick-in-the-Ass on behalf of the Universe has left me reeling on many levels. It literally could not have been better designed to ‘push all of my buttons’ and I am humbly doing the Work necessary to put it into perspective and move forward.
Financially: 2009 was great, and it’s a good thing because 2010 is going to hurt. We went ahead in the face of uncertainty and bought tickets to a trip to London and Venice in late 2010. Before we get there, however, the medical bills are going to eat into all of my extra money, and perhaps some of my savings. I am blessed with excellent medical people, however, and they are worth every dime it’s cost so far. I am doubly blessed by an excellent insurance package. So while I will pay, I am not paying all of it (it’ll be around$100k before it is all over).
Generally speaking: I continue to be blessed and fortune’s child. This year started with a boom, and me in the middle of a Lesson. The next 9 mos will see an evolution of that Lesson, and my role.
Bright Blessings to you all in the dark of the year!